TAKING A BREAK

I have 3 young children, ages, 8, 5 and 3 - so we are in the thick of it. Two working parents, a mortgage and lots of logistical nightmares as the kids start to get into sports, I am sure this rings true with lots of young families. We rely a lot on the grandparents, uncles and aunties who we are very lucky to have live local to us, and we pay for a nanny to do the washing and generally just try to keep our household running. My wife (not wife) works full time and she loves what she does, she has a great, flexible relationship with her employer and they treat her really well. From what I understand being a stay at home mum is not for her, she is passionate about being a mum but this is balanced with a love for what she does professionally too. I would say that from an old fashioned point of view our life is dysfunctional, but from a modern family perspective it's probably becoming more of the norm. 

I found that my energy lows were being exercised at home in the evenings and on the weekends. My beautiful kids were getting a grumpy, short tempered dad, and a ‘shouty’ dad as well. And I was sick of that.

There's another part to this as well. It centers around my family too (which is one of our most highly held core values) and that is that my middle boy, Vinnie, was about to start school. He's an interesting character, and I guess I see a lot of myself in him or something because I feel very aligned with him. He struggles with change, he’s developed much slower than his siblings and I knew that I wanted to be there to support him with his transition to being a school kid. He’s been at daycare since he was 10 months old, and at daycare they do everything for you, but at school - it's your first real foray into being responsible for yourself. It's a big step up.

We roll a pretty cool balanced work life at MHCo and so I could gain enough flexibility to help Vinnie transition to school if we wanted. I could be there at school drop off and at pick up if we wanted. But it wasn't so much the time requirement - it was more the ability to have time and bring positive energy to that time which is what I struggled with. And so there in lies the problem and the solution. Take some time away from work. Hit the reset button and recharge my batteries, give positive energy to my time with my kids and really just reassess what's truly important to me.

So once we’d identified that a break from work was the best course of action, we then began to plan around it appropriately. And there’s that word, ‘plan’. I am a huge believer in the fact that anything is possible if you choose to plan for it. And this is something that Pete and I have always done with our business. Part of our 2022 business planning session with our coach was dedicated to working out how we were going to get me out of the business for an extended period of time.

The first part of the process was critically analyzing everything I was doing. I wrote lists of all the tasks I did each day and we slowly went through and allocated names of other team members next to them. For a few of the team, these new tasks were actually a step up for them and it was a great learning/development opportunity for them. Some tasks we outsourced to other agencies, and to be fair we should have done this a long time ago. So this process was eye opening and beneficial in a lot of ways.

I have a number of clients that I work with at an advisory level with business planning, coaching and advisory boards and this was the only work we did not allocate to anyone else. I have continued doing this work throughout my sabbatical. It was easier and quicker this way and at the planning stage, I decided that I would have enough energy to do a great job for these few clients. As long as we could remove all of the other tasks from my daily life and I could focus on my family in the in between times.

Once that was all done it was a case of setting a date and communicating this with all our clients. The comms were well thought out and peer reviewed by others in the office before being sent out. Once it went out we got an overwhelming response and the response was all really empathic and positive. People were genuinely happy for me to be taking a break. I was worried about the response and no doubt there would have been some people who didn't really align with the concept but they managed to keep that to themselves.

The first month of my sabbatical was a weird one. It was June 2022, and if you live in Hamilton you’ll know that it basically rained for 4 solid weeks that month! I actually spent most of the first 2 weeks finishing off some final projects and planning the next 6 months of advisory work I was going to be doing. So my transition from working to sabbatical was interesting. I would say that I struggled to ‘switch off’ - I found myself logging into work emails to make sure I wasn't missing out on anything. It was weird. Something that you had been switched on for 24/7 for the last 8 years, all of a sudden didn't need you to be there. Weird, interesting, and empowering are all words that spring to mind.

Roll on month two and I’d amounted a massive list of “projects/chores” that I wanted to get done, but again it was really wet in July so very few of these got done. I am an active relaxer, I like that dopamine hit of achieving something, ticking things off lists gets me that. So with the weather the way it was, I was struggling to get my projects done, and mentally I had to deal with that - it took some ‘adjusting’. July was the month that Vinnie started school and for the most part I have dropped him off and picked him up every day since. There have been really challenging moments, for both him and I. But on the whole, his transition has been far better than I expected and I am incredibly proud of him. I managed to finish off a night class parenting course I had started back in April and made use of all of the things I have learned. We had chore lists for the kids and reward sticker charts and we still use these today - small things like this have been a game changer for us. Don't get me wrong it's not been all roses and marshmallows - there have been tears, (still some) yelling, and lots of learning by both them and myself. 

What I've been most thankful for is those special moments with the kids that I have been lucky enough to experience; it's as simple as a walk home from school at 2.45pm and talking with the boys about who they sat next to at lunch time and what game they played after they’d eaten. It has been incredibly rewarding. I’ve had space and time to take Quinn (our 3 year old) to ballet every week, and I swim with all of them on a Tuesday afternoon. Their progress in everything they do has absolutely amazed me and continues to fill my ‘cup’ up each and every day. 

I’ve learned patience. I’ve learned limits (theirs and mine). And one of my most important learnings has been to care less what others think. I got this from kids. They have no social filter, they say what comes into their mind and they really are just weird creatures - and I have learned to love that. As a society I believe we stifle this and conform our kids to “societal norms”.  I’ve been doing lots of reflecting on this and recently heard of a concept called “living with the handbrake off”. I think that letting go of our fear of what others think about us ultimately helps us live more “with the hand brake off” and allows us to be a more authentic version of ourselves.

This has been the best thing I have ever done. It's nearing the end of my sabbatical and I have had thoughts both for and against returning to work. We recently had a trip to Queenstown where Pete and I spoke at an accounting conference and we took a bunch of the MHCo team with us. Up until this point I was grappling with my next career move as I was really enjoying being an engaged and present father. But something in Queenstown really clicked for me. I realized what an awesome business we had worked so hard to create. What an awesome team we had built and continue to develop. And most of all it gave me perspective around what the future might look like. I’d had time to reflect and time to engage with our business through a new lens.

Now I know that I am excited to be going back to work but for me work will look a little different than it ever has before. Peter and I have been mindful about my re-entry to work and making sure that I don't ‘slip’ back into what I was doing before. I still want to be there for some school pickups and drop offs, and I’m still searching for the best tools to moderate my energy levels for when I return to our business. I also believe I probably won't get it right the first time but we will learn and we will fine tune things till we get it right.

To summarise; burnout (if you can call it that, perhaps for me it was more understanding your energy levels and priorities) is a thing - even if you have a balanced work life. Family is important and we shouldn't underestimate the power of spending positive energy with our loved ones, especially if we want to help create good humans for the next generation. Plans are needed to achieve a break, whether it's for 6 months, 1 month or even 1 week. You need time, space and potentially a person (trusted friend/network, councilor, or even an all round good listener) to help you reflect on what's truly important to you. Stop caring what others think so much! Be more weird. Don't be afraid to challenge norms, and see what comes of it.

- Nathan Maisey

If you're considering taking a sabbatical, making a significant life change or, just need help to take a break, we're here to help. Let's work together to create a plan that aligns your personal goals with your business.